Peru.

We were going to Peru.

But, it seems that Covid has accelerated our ability to make countries tank.  Often when we leave a place it does a thing. Paris had a terrorist attack just weeks after I left. Greece’s financial crisis happened as we were taking off for home.  Nicole and Gary made it home from Thailand about 2 days before the entire world shut down for Covid-19. The list goes on. 

But Peru decided to be proactive and have a revolution weeks before we were slated to leave- all the major tourist areas are shut down. Machu Picchu is closed.  Tourists are being held (forcefully).  There is a do not travel advisory.  And while Chris, Gary and I were all- oh well- I’m sure Nicole will find us something else- Nicole was considering checking into witness protection- because she knew something we didn’t.  You. Can’t. Do. That. Anymore.  That thing where you get a trip last minute. That doesn’t happen. Sure- maybe Cuba or Dominican? (even that would have been difficult).  And those places are GREAT- don’t get me wrong.  But us 4 were born with an adventurers soul, and if we don’t’ TinTin it amazing race style at least once every couple of years- stuff gets sketchy.  Like, we put new kitchens in and crap. Or we get a new dog. Or Gary buys a convertible. So- WE MUST ADVENTURE THIS YEAR. Because I don’t need new boobs- and Chris doesn’t need a Delorean- like he’s been threatening for years.

So we go about scrambling to book something else. And by that I mean we don’t do anything and Nicole starts her decent into madness. She starts to look.  And then advises us that- insurance will pay us back for the cancellation of the Peru trip in 4-6 months. And we will need twice as much to go to the next spot she has in mind. The spot we said no to because of the cost earlier in the year. The spot we are now THROWING money at like our lives depend on it (still cheaper then a boob job and a Delorean though…..)

SOUTH AFRICA.

We’ve talked about it for years, but then it became this huge thing- this thing we dreamed about- it would be the most epic adventure….the trip of trips…Nicole will need YEARS to plan it. 

How about……2 months?

And she freaking did it.  She planned the most amazing trip I’ve never even dreamed of.

So here I am, currently sitting at a desk in front a window overlooking Table Mountain in Cape Town, drinking my morning Coffee and blogging again.

Let me catch you up on the travel time and the first day so we can get this adventure started.

I decide that it would be a great idea to work the morning of the day we leave. What could go wrong? I never do that. That’s usually Chris’s jam.  But this year I thought I could do it.  Be all ready to go and then distract myself for the morning working until noon and then be home for 1pm- leisurely play with the dog, have a nice lunch, chat with mom and dad and leave around 2:30pm.

Nope.

I get a text from Gary at 11am. CALL YOUR SISTER NOW. All caps. “I can’t, I’m in a meeting”. “WELL OUR FLIGHT IS DELAYED AND WERE MISSING OUR CONNECTION TO LONDON. HAVE TO LEAVE NOW”.  I get out of work within 20 mins and home I go, to leisurely panic and throw all my remaining crap in the suitcase, throw something to distract the dog, wave at Mom and Dad and hop in the car. Gary leaving his phone home and only realizing it after we have left Hantsport, so does 360 back to the house blaming Nicole for not reminding him to take his phone for the 378 time. (this is his toxic trait.  Doing stupid crap and then blaming the person next to him.  He’s quite good at it.  Plausible Example: trips on random wrinkle in carpet, banging into old lady and spilling hot coffee getting arrested for accidentally assaulting her.  His IMMEDIATE comment to the police would be- “well. Chris is a carpenter. Why didn’t he warn me that I could trip on badly laid carpet?)

Anyway, We are told to get to the airport asap in case we can get on an earlier flight, or at least be ahead of the mass of people who will be changing their flights (seems everything to Toronto from Halifax is delayed, and therefore Halifax to Toronto). The agents at the desk have far more power to change flights then the agents on the phone…so we need to get there, good cop bad cop the ticket agent and beg for some solutions

We end up changing itineraries from leaving today Halifax-Toronto-London-Cape Town…to leaving tomorrow- Halifax- Montreal- Washington-Cape Town…..arriving only 3 hours after our planned arrival.  So the ALT HOTEL at the Halifax Airport will be our home tonight- we will be leaving tomorrow at 6am with a 4 am suggested airport arrival time.   So we need to be adults.  Get to bed early. Be organized. Eat a light dinner in preparation for the long travel day like we did yesterday. Bodies and minds in tip top shape. Stay organized and calm.

So we get our room and leave for the liquor store. And order 4 pizza’s and a bunch of hot wings for delivery. And take all our clothes out of our carefully packed carry on’s to find our “comfies”.  And just act like frat boys for the next 8 hours.  To bed by 11pm to be up for 2am and travel for 36 hours. At round 3 of Bumbo Rum I get out my fake Tattoo pen and things just go south from there.  Gary suggests I tattoo some unmentionable parts, and after I explain to him that I’m not adept at micro tattoos, we settle on what we always settle on and he gets a shoulder tattoo, Nicole and Chris an arm each. There were regrets in the morning.

Up in the morning we realize that we were very smart and purchased/packed EUROPEAN plugged brush type blow dryers so we wouldn’t need those huge round brushes and a separate blow dryer.  So we have no blow dryers. So we leave looking like cocker spaniels. Also, hot wings.  It’s a rough morning.

But, after Gary seemingly leaves his new sunglasses and Kitty sunglass case at security (which he walks all the way to security to find but later actually finds in his pocket but blames Nicole for not telling him to look in his pocket) we eventually get to Washington- only after a VERY hairy flight from Montreal to Dulles- ever have a friend who likes to speed up and slow down and speed up and slow down on the highway over and over while driving? Well she was driving our plane. It was nasty. Beautiful day out, and we were coming in like we were flying through a monsoon on an F1 track.  Add in Gary leaving his camera on the plane, his belt at security (both the fault of the woman driving the plane and making it hard for him to remember his crap and Nicole for not reminding him that he’s old so his pants fall down if he doesn’t wear his belt) and it’s a typical travel day for the Muppets.  No time for a meal at Washington- so we all gather around and eat Nicole’s smartly stashed Chocolate Easter Squirrel (cut backs due to the South Africa cost- bunnies be expensive). And then we board our flight to Cape Town J Its not full- so we have a row to ourselves! It’s a 13.5 hour flight COMPLETELY OVER WATER (I’m not panicking, you’re panicking ) so I roofie myself and take 2 ativan- starting to watch a movie but then drifting off, all laid out in “trashy first classy” as I like to call it. That’s when you don’t get first class because bills be expensive, but you have an empty seat between you and your hubby so you make him sit straight up for 13.5 hours while you put your head on his lap and lay down. The food is awful, but the flight is smooth from what I can remember. 

Around 11:30am we are told we are starting our decent into Cape Town.  I look out and all I can see is water.  It feels that we are at the tip of the end of the world-TinTin would be proud. And as we take a sharp turn, I can see the most beautiful landscape come into view.  Rocks jetted straight up from water, palm trees and colorful buildings. It already looks like nothing I’ve ever seen….. And I can hear the drums in my head. And the swell of my wanderers soul is so quick and intense that I have hot stinging eyes.

The transition to the hotel is very easy, we are picked up by the service we pre-arranged and the driver is lovely-kind and accommodating- always letting the ladies go first, not letting us carry anything, helping us into the lovely Escalade.  

And as we drive through the streets to our hotel we can see all the beauty I’m sure he’s become so accustomed to that he barely notices.  I knew obviously that Table Mountain would take up a ton of real-estate- I just didn’t realize that there would be so many other breathtaking mountains in the distance.  Table mountain is like the last lap of a long string of waves, rearing up just as the land meets the ocean. But all around it are other rock cliffs in the distance- protecting Cape Town. The Mother City,

A relative commented on my facebook post when we landed and said that she had lived in Africa- and that it “gets in your blood- its in our DNA.” (thanks Barbara <3)  And I feel that. Already. And I’ve been here for 4 minutes.

We are dropped at the hotel and walking in find it just like a Canadian Hotel with just a little extra “relax” thrown in.  No one is in too much of a hurry- but extremely friendly.  Were happy to be back in a country where the ladies doing the check in work is welcomed.  That wasn’t the case in India and we had to have group pep talk meetings with the boys before each hotel front desk experience.   But here we are assumed the heads. And that works just fine for us…and the boys.

We find our rooms- which both have an unbelievable view of Table Mountain-and unpack. We’re here for 6 days so we might as well make ourselves at home.

Then its upstairs to the bar for a pre dinner drink and appie. Fire oven pizza plate and wine all around. The roof top bar is also where the pool is, impossibly high and overlooking both the harbor and the mountains. We spend some time talking about all the travel shenanigan’s as usual on the first night. Then its off to the hotel restaurant for dinner (its voted one of the best in the area barring all the trendy places like NOBU and whatnot) and find that the reviews are accurate- its delicious. And inexpensive. I have the lamb (two large chops with homemade fries and creamy coleslaw) and Chris has the t-bone with the same sides. Gary has the Fish and Chips- a Cape Town staple,….and Nicole has the Bolognese????….then we are off back to the room for a few more night caps.  Then to bed.  Where we all lay wide awake for hours.  Lol.  Its only 5pm in Halifax. Eventually we drift off- to the sound of animals in the distance. (I’ve decided to pretend Chris’s snoring is a distant pride of lions arguing over a fresh kill.  It helps keep me from smothering him.)

Up bright and early in the morning we are off to breakfast in the same restaurant as the dinner..its buffett style and we are thrilled to see that African bacon ….is ACTUALLY FREAKING BACON. Most of the time on our travels the “bacon” is actually ham, and we find ourselves longing for the salty chewy goodness the entire trip-but here? They totally get it.

 And the Gary crap has already begun.  He always gives Nicole and I lots to make fun of him for. Like its his job.  And mostly he starts by complaining about Nicole always telling him what to do, all the while asking her exactly what he should do.  For example, this morning Nicole tells him his body cream is in his bag. To which he says…what do I do with that?  She says, put it on your body….his immediate answer?

What body?

Sigh.

After breakfast we realize that we have nothing planned for the whole day!  We like to arrive a few days before all the planned activities so that we don’t miss anything if our flights get delayed.  So now here we are in Cape Town with no plans. So we Uber to the waterfront and take a stroll. There is a Saturday market in the area so we take advantage of that and go check it out.  It is full of local artisans and venders selling hand made items and local wine/gin.  I mean……shut up and take my money.  We pick around, tasting and sampling- purchasing some of the best gin I’ve ever had…and an interesting Passion Fruit flavored something or other liquor.  Then we stop for a beer and to people watch.  The view is very chill and very “stay the day”.  It IS Saturday after all….and it seems like all the new moms and old friends are out and about. Meeting up for a nice bite to eat and some local brewery fair.  Everyone is SO friendly, sharing tables and politely asking if we need a spot to sit.  Everyone has a doggo- of all shapes and sizes- with them and there is even a doggy bar where dogs can get fresh water on tap with their little paws pushing a button, homemade doggy icecream and all kinds of shared beds.

Nicole and I immediately clock that the women here are gorgeous.  I mean I’m sure Gary and Chris clock this too…but it kind of hits Nicole and I in the face.  Literally.  I would have to say that I came face to belt buckle more then once.  Meaning my face is at their belt buckle height.  The Dutch blonde women are so tall its absurd, and intimidating.  Clearly their grandparents were mating with giraffes. Like they could all pat me on the head easily enough.  And there we are, tourist smurfs out on the town. Ankle biters if you will. Honestly. Then there is the hair.  I’m in love with the water here after washing my hair this morning. And it shows- most of the woman’s hair is longer then my entire torso. Braids whipping us in the face as we walk behind them. Long legs and high waisted jeans that would button up somewhere around my arm pits if I even attempted to wear them. They all must wonder what stunted our growth. (for the record I blame KFC…but anyway).

We pick around a while longer, buy a beautiful gift for our new grand-daughter,  a couple of handmade incense holders, ultimately deciding to get a bottle of wine and do what we do-Find a sneaky spot to sit and pretend to drink water out of sippy cups on the waterfront.  Which we have gotten very adept at- opening wine in a back pack and carefully pouring it out between our four cups.

After the wine is gone we notice a Ferris wheel on the waterfront..not like a fair Ferris wheel….but like, one of those enclosed ones…. Like the London eye..only this is more like…a Cape Town….blink?  its small- maybe 20 pods….but for $30 each we can get up in it and get a good lay of the land.  So we do- its cool- about as adventurous as we can muster this jet lagged…and gives us another spot for a beer.

From there we uber home (which I might add Gary is FACINATED by. The fact that I can order a car on my phone and see him coming, know is name and license plate number before he shows up pretty much as confirmed in his mind that we are living in a sim. Add the fact that it is only about $6 CAD for the 15 minute ride and he is SOLD) Home and upstairs to the bar for happy hour. I order a “number 14”….which is gin and elderflower smoke, grapefruit liquor, pink tonic and triple sec and happiness and is hands down the best drink I have ever tasted. And since its happy hour Chris takes advantage of the 2 for 1 and orders…2….for one……margritas.

Then down to another amazing dinner and then Chris and I are ready for bed.  But Gary and Nicole are ready to party. Like they want to come for a night cap. And I’m all- nope.  But they insist.  So Chris and I consider setting up a little play area for them in our room.  We could call it the Muppet Booze Babies Bar.  We could section them off in the corner with a wall of pringles marking the play area- that would keep them busy.  We could give them rum in sippy cups which we already have- they both seem fascinated by Rick Steeves…so if we left one of his books in there, light a few candles, and threw in pizza – Nicole would entertain herself for hours.  We could just drift off to sleep and they wouldn’t even notice.  But that seems like a lot of work, so we allow them entry into our room for ONE DRINK….which turns into us trying to see if things drain the other way since we are past the equator – and since we have one of those weird euro toilets we have to use the sink and a q-tip, and after several attempts I can confirm that sinks do not drain different here…but rum does…

Tomorrow is another day- another unplanned day. So we are thinking the Two Oceans Aquarium…and we were able to get 4 tickets to Robben Island for the afternoon- the island prison where Mandela was held for YEARS.  SO its shaping up to be pretty epic for a bonus day.  IF we can get these Muppet Babies to sleep.

I should mention that I won’t be posting pics this year in the blog. It takes up too much time and seems unnecessary since I post all our trip pics on line. So feel free to come see everything on Instagram! I’m @ruthannwifetochrisxoxo and its a public account 🙂

I’ll be back tomorrow with more muppetness.