This morning we are set to move to the Amazon. No idea what to expect other then no lions. I’m sure we will be comparing this to South Africa the entire way, and my guess is this will be very different. First of all- yes, no lions. But also more snakes, spiders, bigger monkeys, giant river otters (if we are especially lucky) and likely far more mosquitoes. From our trip advisor research, we’ve been told the essentials are fly repellent, pants and long sleeve shirts, hats and many many changes of clothes. Not sure what that last part is about- is there a fashion show portion for this leg? I guess we’ll find out. 

We set some ground rules- first of all do not say DONT MOVE to me at any point if you see something on me. Because if you say Don’t move, I’ll be naked and running out of the jungle like it’s Vietnam 1973 before you can get any other words out your mouth. No. Question. 

Second- the encampment offers a “night walk” where you can see crawlies and creepies. That’s a nope. NOPE. 

Other than that we’re up for anything. Can’t be much scarier then yesterdays bike ride. Just can’t. 

So we are out the door by 4am to catch our plane to Porto Molonado where we will then catch a boat to our home for the next 3 nights. She right tight. Like I am packed to the brim- we are bringing whiskey, rum, mix and wine for our evening muppet jungle bar- pretty sure the nerves will need to be calmed for a good nights sleep. AND there is a strict 22 lb rule for the carry ons. So the shuffle was real last night with the packing- we all clink when we walk and our nap sacks (which they don’t weigh) are at least 145 lbs each. 

The tour package we bought includes someone to take us to and from the airports- however I wasn’t expecting the exceptional service  – we actually have a person who takes us IN the airport and gets us checked in at the kiosk- something I hadn’t anticipated was the difference in check in procedures here. He quickly puts all of our info in and gets our passports checked. Then we take our checked bag to an automated desk where we scan our passport, sit it on a scale and it is given the green light for “all clear” and then someone comes and politely takes the bag and gently sits it on the conveyer. Seamless- but I’m glad we had our person to help with every instruction being in Spanish. Then he says goodbye, shakes hands and away we go. 

Chris and I are seated in the very back row of the plane and his window seat has no window, additionally the woman next to me keeps farting -which I can’t hear-but can feel, seat rattling like we are being shelled in ww2- and then side eyes me and turns her head ever so slightly to see if I’ve noticed. I have. But I’m not sure what I can do about it. The forth time I decide to turn my head and stare directly at the side of her face. This stops it for the most part as she turns red and uncomfortably points her pooper in the direction of the isle. 

We land at a tiny airport and are deplaned- already feeling the heat through the walls of the plane- the walk from the plane to the building has me questioning how it could possibly get hotter- but it does. 

We are met with a sweet woman dressed in safari gear who leads us to our bus, as our luggage gets lifted to the roof and fastened. 

We drive through the Amazon version of a city- all small one story buildings and every now and then a traffic light- and come to a “port”. Off we get to be brought to a motorized dug out canoe and helped on. The heat is starting to become breathtaking, our shirts and pants getting wet as we stick to everything we touch. 

A 30 min ride at high speed finds us pulling up to the bank of the river and we’re unloaded onto some questionable steps up. I’m a little apprehensive at this point. What did my travel agent do? (I’m giving her the fart lady look….)

We follow through the thicker and thicker jungle on Rock filled and wood lined trials for a few minutes, realizing that this heat is getting more and more intense at 9am…. And when we reach the end we are standing in front of a grand two story peak thatch roofed enormous cedar wood building in the trees with a manicured lawn. It is absolutely stunning. Walking in we are met with a “welcome to the jungle” sign and as we look around we notice the gorgeous wood- bare and deep golden brown. There is a dining hall with dark mahogany tables with thick wooden bases surrounded by exquisitely carved heavy chairs. All with an open concept 40 foot high thatched roof at the top, another level loft style that we are led to up a hand carved spiral staircase to get to. I’m not sure I’ve been in any building this grand? I can’t think of a better word. It’s absolutely exquisite.  On the second level we are brought to our seats- large comfy wooden couches and chairs with thick fluffy linen seat cushions, and handed cold towels for our necks. I’m not sure how to describe the heat even with the fans high in the ceilings directly above us.  You know that feeling we had in the very hot summer of 2020 when we had to wear masks? Your own hot breath being directed back at our faces? Picture that all over your body. It’s like someone is following you around with a heated blanket and wrapping you in it- like hot wool on your skin.  So the poor man with the cold towels is almost tackled. 

We are given a run down of things we need to know, breakfest, lunch and dinner times (we assume buffet) and when the power is on and off (from 3-5 every afternoon and 11pm-4am there is no electricity). There is no internet unless on the river and you are lucky enough for some service to float down the open space. 

Somewhere in there the guide says to me excitedly “do you like baths?” In her sweet Spanish accent.  I say YES!!! And almost jump with joy! A bath!! I’d love one! And she meets my excitement with a point towards the ceiling where the banana leaf thatch meets the cedar rafters….huh? 

That’s when I realize she said BATS. do you like BATS. NO. NO I DO NOT. I zoom in with my camera and see about 25 large bats cuddled together up there waiting out the daylight so that are fresh and ready to get in my hair tonight. Not. Cool. 

At least she didn’t yell don’t move. (Now I feel like farting plane lady- maybe she was just nervous….)

We keep one eye on the bats while we wait for our room to be ready – drinking pisco sours and regretting not being naked. 

We are taken to a debriefing about what hikes and explorations we’ll be doing- and there we meet Paul Blart Jungle cop 2.0.  If you read the India blog you know about the OG jungle cop from Nepal. He was all business – a very tiny man-whose passion in life was birds. There was to be no talking on the OG tours- we were his students whether we liked it or not- and he debriefed the crap out of us for 45 minutes with a slide show while we tried to escape. Well, 2.0 is similar in look- and he does debrief the crap out of us, but he’s humble and sweet- and doesn’t get too angry when we all fall asleep. I think it may be the heat? But I’m exhausted all of a sudden- I look around just before I settle in for my nap and see the others have beaten me to it. I drift off somewhere around the part where he is telling us we will be seeing squirrels and birds and wake up as he is holding up jars of large snakes and saying something about boa constrictors. I think I may have missed something important. He likes to use the term “more or less” a lot. And when I try to get the Cole’s notes on this debrief and say “we will be safe right?” He says “more or less” and I wish I’d paid more attention. 

After our naps (I mean important debrief) we are taken to our rooms. 

We have stilted hut rooms about 5 feet off the ground nestled in the jungle next to each other but out of sight of each other. As we walk into the HUGE huts we see the same unimaginably high thatched ceilings, a king sized 4 poster bed with a thick mosquito net around it (the kind I always wanted to sleep in as a kid!)- net much thicker then in Africa. And a screen lined seating area at the end with a couch and two chairs that overlooks  the jungle. A front row seat for what I can only imagine is quite a show. Near the entrance a Bathroom on one side and large tiled shower on the other. 

Oh this will do just fine. It’s so luxurious. At home this would be a spa. 

 After changing into long pants and long sleeve shirts for bug and weird plant protection we are off for our first excursion- a walk around the property’s jungle.  But first, lunch. 

We arrive at the lodge thinking we’ll be herded up for a buffet lunch- but no! It’s a sit down menu lunch! How exciting! Everyone in Lima was a foodie- which I didn’t realize. I had no idea how much of a culinary world there was here- but I assumed that wouldn’t be the case in the jungle- boy was I wrong! You order off a set menu of 5 choices for  first course and 6 choices for main course.  I get the cauliflower ceviche (yup you read that right) and I’m in love!! Refreshing and healthy it is exactly what I want to eat for the rest of my life. Then we get things like Lomo Saltado and trout with pumpkin puree for the main. Perfect portion sizes and seasoning. WOW. 

Then we leave for the meeting point- the resource center- another hasenda with thatch roof. Here we fill our camp provided water bottles and await our hike.  Starting out we notice the heat intensity right away, and I’m not wishing the walk away- but I’m already dreaming about my shower later. 

We see rubber trees and see the seed pods filled with the rubber that saw many killed here to harvest and sell years ago. Evidence of large spiders webs. Things scurrying away and trees rattling. The mosquitos are fierce but we are prepared- I can’t imagine being out here without the bug spray – I think you’d be bare bones before long. 

Somewhere in the jungle I am standing listening to our guide talk about anacondas in the swamp next to Nicole and Gary’s room when Nicole says RED ANTS and pushes me. I’ve been, we all have been, standing on an ants nest, and they are all over my sneakers, eyeing my legs. Euni (our guide) doesn’t seem phased. He just says “move over here” and steps aside. I dance and stomp and run. And feel ants on and in me for the next 25 minutes- even though I’m sure there are none there- more or less. 

We see termite mounds the size of small cars. And trees the size of large apartments- trunks you have to see to believe- sprawled out with twists and turns. We see a “walking tree” that slowly, over 20-25 years, will walk across the forest floor by growing new legs spreading out in new directions and following a new path. We eat cocoa pods- right off the tree. We suck on the seeds- they taste like caramel- and bite into them- butter with no resemblance of the chocolate that it makes once ground and roasted. 

The walk takes a little of an hour and we are back at the camp. 

Off to our rooms for our showers. Full cold water running down your body is the only way to cool off, and now I understand what all the changes of clothes are for. What we’ve taken off will have to be burned- not sure what else to do with it. Washing them here won’t help as there is absolutely no way they will dry. Paper is wet, pencils don’t work from the moisture, and towels are useless. Everything is just too wet. 

Once cleaned up we have a nap. And we are realizing it is definitely the heat that is making us this exhausted.  I wake up after what feels like a 2 hour nap with a start- SURELY we’ve missed the next walk- I can’t even tell what year it is. I slept like the dead, dreaming and drooling. Only to run to my phone and see that it’s been approximately 13 minutes. Sleep hits HARD here. 

Now we meet the the center for a night boat right to find black and white Cayman (crocodile like creatures with a bad reputation for being aggressive) and CappaBaras. We all get back in the dugout canoe and our guide uses a large spot light to scan the shore. We see both- the capabaras as a family of 7- babies and all, very very cute like large guinea pigs. 

Back for another shower and change of burnable clothes then off to dinner and another beautifully curated menu- totally different options and a new menu u. The beef in tonight’s limo saltado is the best I’ve tasted anywhere – honestly. And cooked exactly as asked — perfect medium rare. The red onions are sweet and the cava served with almost every selection is like a potato, starchy with a more grainy texture.  We hear howler monkeys off in the distance while we eat and sip a beautiful Peruvian red wine-Excitedly talking about our day. We do our comparison to South Africa. Ther I didn’t care where I slept just fell in love with the animals. You could have told me to go pull up a cot in the corner and I’d be fine as long as it came with the promise I would get to go back in that jeep with Lyton and see his lions and elephants- the bush offering a great way to see them, but not a lushness. Not a desire to just sit and stare at the flora. More fauna based. But Here? I’m in love with the experience- the surroundings are epic, rich and green, wet and brimming to the top with life. The animals are a plus- but it’s the rainforest that captures your heart in this neck of the proverbial and literal woods. And seeing it from these decadent facilities is just something I’m having a hard time feeling worthy of. I feel like I’m living in BBC earth channel. The lungs of the planet. The heart of this earth. 

What. A. Day.  

We learned about the rainforest in school all the time remember? And if you’d asked me at 10 if I’d get to see them I’d have said “of course!” Because at 10 years old the earth feels like it’s yours. Like you can if you want to.  But as you get older, it feels more out of reach- and you realize that it’s a privilege -not a right- to visit these sacred places.  Hashtag blessed is something I despise- because it feels like it’s excluding those who don’t get to see the things I have- as if they aren’t being cared for or gifted good things for some obscure reason. And I don’t believe that- in any way- in fact I’ll fight it with anyone willing to listen. But hashtag blessed is the entire world when you are here- as in we are all so blessed to have these Forrest’s on our earth. And if we don’t stop to see that blessing and conserve it,  it will be gone forever, and that thought leaves me with the same desperate feeling I have when I think of losing my parents. Like we’ll all be untethered if this is lost. Like we’ll be orphans.  This Forrest  is the matriarch of the planet. And I see why some make conservation their entire life.  

We plan to meet for drinks at the muppet jungle lounge (Nicole and Gary’s room of course) but by the time we are done dinner I’m about to face plant into my plate. 

So we part ways. Shower for the third time today. And get in our beds.

I have an app on my phone that we tend to use in hotel rooms. Chris and I NEED noise to sleep. And one of the noises offered on my app is “rainforest”. And I’m living in that app. Monkeys, trees, birds. Rain. The noise is deafening and mesmerizing/ and a little intense.  But I fall into a deep sleep- dreaming almost instantly, and waking up in the same position I went to sleep in. 

Tomorrow? I can’t even think what tomorrow might bring.