The runners

I am a runner. 

Have aways been. 

I guess its more of a perspective hunt than an actual “peace out”.  I get very caught up in a forest through the trees situation…. And my only solution?  RUN. Get out of it and look back.  I can always see better from somewhere else. I’m not proud of that. I desperately wish I was someone who could figure it all out then and there. Clap the hands back and forth….job done.  But no. not me. 

At 12 it was running to my poppy.  Or my Betty.  At 13 it was running to the Hollett’s.  At 16 it was the Samples. (and again at 18. and 20 lol) Quickly followed by my sister.  Rounded off with Chris Keddy when I was good and done with being a young woman. And the Muppets have been my running companions ever since. My pack. Fellow runners. And now instead of running and looking back for the perspective, its a run with wild abandon.  As you get older you know exactly where you are and don’t need the perspective you craved earlier-. You’ve curated the life and the things, and you created the perspective on your own world.  And what you need now is challenges to your perspective. You need to compare your life and beliefs and needs to those of the runners on the other side of the planet. 

Well . there has been plenty to run from over the past 18 months.  Things we never conjured up in even our wildest thoughts. Breathing has been made a privilege-coughing a federal offese-sneezing could mean an allergy, or could mean you die, and even our own televisions are assulting us with information – cnn salt in the wound style, and alas. Running? That’s a hard no.

 Running has become impossible.  Even illegal.

And were all suffering. Shells of people- more in the same global boat then we’ve ever been, and more disconnected from each other then at any other time in our history.

Were  all suffering from the lack of run- to the point where there isn’t much run left in us. 

Well, this week I’m running. WE are running. 

And it IS back to that old running.  The one I need for perspective. Or at least to fill the tank back up so I know what to say to the dear friend that is debilitated by the prospect of fighting a cancer diagnosis received this month.  To know what to say to the friend who is shattered by work trauma having a hard time separating unconditional love from work that needs to be done. The friend who bought a house and is drowning in anxiety about how to finish. The one left frustrated and scared by her husbands covid complications and work loss. 

Cause I’ve got nothing left.  I don’t know how to be where THEY can run to. I’m having trouble becoming the run too. 

Nothing. In. the. Tank. 

I went though a number of changes over the past 2 years like everyone else- health scares. Deaths and morning to deal with. Mental health issues I didn’t even realize were eating away. Anger I couldn’t quite articulate. Frustration to the levels of a 7 year old who needs a nap. Panic stricken at the time lost- depressed at all the lives lost.

Work chanllenges and near career ending battles. 

The same things we have all dealt with-somehow together and alone all at once. 

And have no run to help with. No comfortable place in sight. 

Well.  That’s it Damn it. 

I’m running. 

And when I come back- I promise to be more present and helpful. I just need to run for a bit. Breathless. scared. desperate. giggling. R  u  n . 

The Muppets at my rescue. At each others rescue. Faint Muppet voices in the distance. Saying “come on…..we don’t have forever….hurry!”.

I’ll write about the travel experience over the past few days- give you all the pointers and let you know if its doable.  

But right now I’m busy running. 

Bags packed. 

Body positivity in my pocket.

A henna unalome tattoo to point the way and remind me the loops and curves are on purpose. 

Nicole to follow.

Chris to keep the comfort warm. 

Gary to provide the unconditional aceptance. 

I’m running. 

Be there at the finish line for me- I’ll root you on when you decide its your time to run.